a map in my own mind

I’m working on painting the mugs and bowls my sister sells in her coffee shop. I like to use interesting quotes as well as the sayings I make up myself. I came across this:

It is simplicity that makes the uneducated more effective than the educated when addressing popular audiences.
— Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)

John G. Agno sent me a email that said in part: (the emphasis is mine)

The rules of thumb for assessing leadership illustrate the importance of taking the pulse of followers through interactive conversations in order to stay in attunement with them. If the critical mass of thinking within followers is more complex than proposed leadership, that leadership can only take control through intimidation or force. Once it grasps power, the more complex thinkers will go into hiding, exile or premature graves. Revolution will certainly be on the horizon.

However, if the leadership model is too far ahead of the followers’ developmental level, it will destabilize and overwhelm the group or leave them asking, ‘Where’s this idiot coming from? Does anybody know what he’s talking about?’ Many leaders have been drummed out of the corps or banished into oblivion when their thinking become too complex for the followers to understand.

Sorry, I can’t find the original post to share.

We know from educating the very young that simplicity is the best way to be sure young students “get it.” I admire the person with the ability to communicate the complex in simple terms. My husband’s friend Joe Snyder ate many meals at our dinner table in Mississippi. Whenever the engineers discussed some structural thing that I surely wouldn’t know about, Joe Snyder would stop and explain. It kept me in the conversation. I am forever grateful.

He was certainly not uneducated — I think he’s a college professor now.. (Lucky Students!) But he always took the time to explain. Perhaps the truly uneducated would have been glad to do the dishes and skip the conversation.

If the popular audiences are uneducated, then I suppose simplicity is best. But not everyone is uneducated. And some who are uneducated want to be educated. How else to learn what might be? Besides education does not supply common sense.

I suppose worse is the arrogance of the blissful uneducated. They need not be bothered with learning new things or considering options for what they know must be truth.

This only is certain, that there is nothing certain; and nothing more miserable and yet more arrogant than man.
— Pliny the Elder (23 AD - 79 AD)

And arrogance seems to beg a slap down.

To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood.
— George Santayana (1863 - 1952)

I’ve been hearing lots of people… mothers mostly.. complaining that “When I was little there weren’t so many kids taking medication for …” fill in the blank. While I’m sure at least that we didn’t KNOW who was taking medication for what, I suspect more kids are taking medication for a wider variety of problems.

Then I noticed this piece in the Chicago Tribune today.

Girl dies after boy’s peanut kiss

Associated Press
Published November 29, 2005

SAGUENAY, Quebec — A 15-year-old girl with a peanut allergy died after kissing her boyfriend, who had just eaten a peanut butter snack, hospital officials said Monday.

Here’s something I’m curious about..

I don’t remember having many people in my classes in elementary school or even high school who were allergic to stuff — I mean regularly available daily stuff — like white flour or peanuts. I mean I knew that there were people who were deathly allergic. My grandfather was deathly allergic to mustard, my father to bee stings. But peanuts? I didn’t know any one. This does not imply there weren’t any only that I DIDN’T KNOW any.

And now there are all sorts of rules about what kinds of snacks are allowed in class rooms. I read several weeks ago that some people could get sick just being in the same room with peanuts. Is that possible? Is it true?

What has happened to make people so much more sensitive?

Just wondering.

Not sure why this bird thing has me so hooked. I just love watching them play in the bird bath. But it’s getting near winter and I’m wondering how to keep my bird bath inviting for the winter. I have to find something to keep the water in the hammered copper bath from freezing.

It appears that I’m not the only one concerned about birds in the winter..
I’ve learned that just because I have a feeder and sometimes forget to fill it, the birds will not starve. LOTS of people are feeding the birds. And there is stuff around that nature has provided.

I do love watching them. Wonder if my hawk will come back.

Coaches are committed to the belief that their clients are “naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.” But that might not be enough information to enable us to do the best job for our clients. What if you didn’t know your client was blind? Some people don’t see their disabilities as such and might feel no need to mention it. What if you never met him and worked only on the phone? Maybe he thinks it doesn’t or shouldn’t matter — And what if more than anything he wished he could drive a car, would you send him out alone? If you didn’t know he was blind, you might not think about the problems. Aren’t we charged to do more than just watch?

I once taught papercutting (as art) to a group of students at a special school for kids who were developmentally challenged AND had been in trouble with the law. They were so disruptive that no regular public schools would have them. It was that school or prison. Some kids had an aid who followed them around all day. Some kids had more than one aid — PLUS the class teacher. Oh baby, they did have ISSUES.

But I thought it would be a great experience to bring my brand of respectful teaching to the school.

I showed them some examples of what was possible to do with a scissors and paper, handed out the paper and scissors, showed them how to hold their paper, I showed them how to hold the scissors.. how to turn the paper and not the scissors.

Most kids picked up their supplies and jumped in — making snowflakes, or designs. Some just cut the paper into tiny shreds. Each to his or her own abilities and talent. All of this.. OK.

But one young woman, scissors in hand said to me, “You’re gonna have to help me.”
“Of course,” says I showing her the paper in my left hand, “hold the paper like this.”
“You’re gonna have to help me.”
“Right,” I say. I hold the paper up to show her how to put the paper in her hand. “Hold the paper like this,” expecting her to pick up the paper and at least TRY to copy me.

It was then that the teacher sitting next to her gives me the news to use, “She only has one hand.”

OK …so.. now that shifts everything. I have to hold the paper for her.. She, just this side of prison, with a sharp scissors and me holding the paper. Now THAT’s what I call a dance!

As coaches we absolutely have to believe that our clients are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. Otherwise we might be in trouble for practicing medicine without a license, trying to fix something broken. We have to be able to discern if they might be broken so that we can help them to figure out what to do about it.

But a person with ADD is not broken.. just different.

On the other hand (no pun intended), we also have to know how their brains work. We do that for our other clients when we ask about their values and goals..in order to do our jobs as coaches to keep them on the paths they have determined.

So knowing how a person with ADD approaches problems — what they are likely to see first, or not see at all — is really key. We have to know ABOUT medications so we can remember to ask if they are getting what they think they should be getting from it. And we have to be able to notice if some thing they don’t understand really might be a side effect of that medication. We have to know to ask.. to remind them to ask their doctors.

Having ADD is, in my opinion and in my experience, a wonderful way to be in the world. I know there are those who disagree. But I also know that if an coach untrained in ADD issues, thinks they’ll coach me thru a simple structure for success and that I’ll just “get it” and go forward…. well, to me, that’s just cruel. It’s like one more person in my life who just can’t understand why I can’t do what I said I’d do, one more person in my life who I imagine I’ll disappoint by not doing what I am supposed to… by anyone’s standard.

and THAT, boys and girls, is perhaps the worst part of having ADD — being consistently inconsistent with what we tell others we’ll can do or will do, and being consistently inconsistent with what we tell ourselves.

A compassionate, but no nonsense coach who really does dance.. might have success. But it seems cruel to both the coach and the client. To the coach to expect him (or her) self to be able to take consistently inconsistent answers from the client without understanding the reasons.. and then expect themselves to keep on going without feeling like a failure. And cruel to the client who hopes someone will have some information to help adjust his progress.

And I think that lack of understanding and lack of ability to build a consistent and dependable structure is what makes a lot of people with ADD feel just rotten about themselves.

We all have to work WITH our life issues.. find ways to work around them if we can. And find ways to keep getting up in the morning and thinking of new ways to put one foot in front of the other.

If I’m not like everyone else, if I only have one hand, then please let me have a coach who knows about having only one hand. Don’t make me think up all my own answers to all my own questions because I really don’t know how to BE with only one hand. I don’t have any models of people who only have one hand. I don’t care if YOU, my coach, have two hands as long as you have some information about what it’s like to be like me.

Get it?

by Kerch McConlogue, CPCC
This article will appear in Spring 2006 issue of Hypertalk Magazine, the semiannual newsletter of CHADD of Maryland

Marge has lots of great ideas about how to pull in really big bucks selling insurance. She knows just what to say so people understand the value of her products. It’s just that she keeps putting off making the calls she knows she has to make. Even worse, she forgets to send the follow up invoices after the calls. Week after week slips past when she’s done enough to just get by but not enough to get her a corner office.

Peter’s company knows him as the big picture man. He is a project manager. He sees the possibilities and the traps, and he’s expert at evaluating where the conflict will be. But Peter has “people” who set up his appointments and nudge him about the follow up.

Peter and Marge both have AD/HD but Peter has something Marge doesn’t have. Peter has a coach – specifically one who understands ADD, what it does for him and where it can trip him up.

What is a coach?
Peter doesn’t get advice from his coach, Kathy, who doesn’t even have to understand what he does for a living. She does, however, have to trust that Peter knows! In addition, because she is trained to work with people who have AD/HD Kathy has valuable information about the condition that other coaches may not. And that information can be comforting when you’re feeling like the only one with your problems.

A coach will help you set up a system or structure to accomplish what you say you want. You’ll get to think up your own advice and then try it out. If it doesn’t work, you’ll learn from what you tried and do something different next time.

Coaching takes time. It is important to give yourself the time to change. Living with ADD has probably taught you certain strategies to get along in life. If those habits aren’t working it will take some time to change. You have to be prepared for that.

Coaching is a confidential relationship. Although a growing number of employers will pay for it, insurance generally doesn’t. It can cost generally between $150 and $250 a month. Some coaches may charge less and many charge much more.

How is coaching different from therapy?
Coaching is not the same as therapy. Many people have both coach and therapist.

In the broadest of terms, therapy address the “whys” of your life. For example, you might have a problem with exercise because of something that happened to you years ago. In therapy you could learn to understand why you don’t exercise, then you might be able to make changes for the future.

Coaching, on the other hand, does not address your past or your pathology. Moving forward is all about deciding what do you want to do and then making a plan to do it. Perhaps your lack of exercise is based on the fact that you haven’t really found an exercise you like, or the right person to do it with, or the best time of day to actually do the work. Coaches can help you identify those possibilities and then hold you accountable for making the change.

Why a coach?

According to an article in February 2005 of FastCompany Magazine

People seek out coaches for two common reasons: navigating some transition in their lives or careers, or having some inkling that they’re jerks, and that antisocial behavior is holding them back.

The coaching relationship is structured so that the client takes responsibility for his own actions. He gets to say what he wants from the relationship and how he wants to proceed. This covers everything from how often you’ll meet together, to what you’d like your coach to say when you do, or don’t do, something you said you would.

Many of the reasons that people with AD/HD seek help from a coach are very specific – having trouble with time management, with the chaos created by clutter, with transitions to a new job, or, perhaps, the shift from an “at work” personality to an “at home” one.

Tackling any change, though, must address the whole life of the client. While you may come to the coaching relationship with a specific problem in mind, the changes made will likely touch many other parts of your life. For example, if you come to a coach to get help with managing your time at home better, you can expect that the way you manage your time at the office will also come into the conversation. You may have different issues about time in both places but, in fact, they are related. Besides, what you do well in one place may be useful in the other. Perhaps you just didn’t notice that before.

How to pick a coach
Most coaches work on the phone as well as in person, so it’s not necessary that your coach be local. Some of my local clients have grown to appreciate telephone work and not having to travel to appointments.

• Ask your therapist if s/he knows any coaches who might be a good match for you.
• You can search on-line using Google or some other search engine. For a start try typing: coach for adults with ADD or perhaps coach for ADD in Baltimore in the search box.
• Check out the websites of a few coaches. Not only will you be able to learn about their training but also you’ll be able to tell something about their personal style and attitude based on what they think is important enough to mention on their website.
• Take advantage of the free introductory session offered by most coaches. Coaching is a relationship. You want to be sure that you’re compatible and not feel judged or scolded.
• Commit to a couple of months of coaching. Change takes time. You should ask how long the coach expects you to work with him or her. If there is a contract, how do you get out of it if it’s not really working out for you.

Above all, coaching is pragmatic. It’s a great opportunity to practice saying clearly what you think. If coaching doesn’t seem to be working for you, say so. The coach might not know it if you don’t speak up. Coaches don’t expect their clients to stay with them forever. While some clients do keep working with the same coach for years, it’s probably more common that they work together for several months. Then it’s great when the client feels in control enough, comfortable enough with the relationship, to come back for a check in once in a while.

Warren Buffett said, “I don’t look to jump over 7-foot bars. I look around for 1-foot bars that I can step over.” It’s that one step at a time thing that’s important. People with ADD often see the big picture and miss the steps required to get there. The power of the coaching process, particularly for us, is in helping to notice those parts of the whole which are required for growth. Notice them, acknowledge them, and attend to them – that’s when success is sure.

Find a Coach Resources:
www.chadd.org
www.ADDConsults.com
www.ADD.org
www.ADDResources.org
www.coachfederation.org .

About the author: Kerch McConlogue, CPCC is a professional coach in Baltimore who works with people who have too many ideas. She can be reached on the web at www.mapthefuture.com, or by phone at (410) 233-3274

For information about CHADD meetings in Maryland, check out our online schedule.

Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults
by Thomas E Brown, Ph.D.
Yale University Press © 2005
$27.50 384 pp

For years Thomas E. Brown, Ph.D. has been paying attention to the stories of patients with AD/HD. As associate director of the Yale Clinic for Attention and Related Disorders and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Yale University School of Medicine, he also knows the science behind the diagnosis. The result is a new book, Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults. Like Dr. Brown’s very popular talks at annual ADDA conferences, it presents the stories he’s collected during his clinical experience and pairs them with recent research to draw a clear picture of AD/HD.

Dr. Brown’s model of ADD groups significant chronic difficulties which tend to show up together and improve together into six clusters of symptoms which he calls the ADD Syndrome: “a complex disorder that involves impairment in focus, organization, motivation, emotional modulation, memory and other functions of the brain’s management system.”

These executive function impairments are often described as being like a slightly off maestro lacking control of an orchestra. He has trouble managing the starting and stopping of thoughts and actions; his memory and focus are disorganized and undependable.

Executive functions impaired in the ADD syndrome are not simply skills to be learned. ADD Syndrome is not about a lack of will power. Trying harder will not fix it. And medication is not magic — Pills can’t teach skills.

As for any disorder, the most important thing in successful treatment of ADD is education about what it is, what it does, and how it affects the person and his family. The education in this book is clear and comprehensive in its offering. Brown’s references to the problem of emotional modulation for people with ADD is not reflected in the DSM-IV* but it makes sense in my limited experience. I also found some interesting explanations for other problems that I didn’t know were related to AD/HD. For example, I learned that while I may understand all the words my children use to describe their day, my ability to repeat them – word for word — it is out of scale with my understanding of the story. An obscure fact? Perhaps. But I believe knowing that’s common for people with ADD will help me appreciate why a verbal grocery list is less effective than a written one.

The book is heavily cited for clinicians but never in a way that made me feel inferior. In addition, the book includes the clearest explanation I have ever seen of how the brain uses its special proteins to move thoughts around and how different medications affect that process. I particularly appreciate Dr. Brown’s gentle humor and compassion in the construction of metaphors to explain complicated concepts and then his further explanation about why they are not quite the full story. He’ll be making a key note address at the upcoming ADDA conference in Orlando. Do not miss it!

ADD is, if anything, a collection of symptoms – widely varied in those diagnosed with it. For clinicians, this book has the studies to back the premise that ADD Syndrome includes a more complex collection of markers. For parents or adults with ADD, this book lays out the intricacies of the bits and pieces of behaviors that have just not made sense before.

* For a refresher on what the DSM-IV says about AD/HD, check out the very useful website www.helpforadd.com/criteria.htm