a map in my own mind

I read a great piece by Whitney Hess over at A List Apart (a great site, as they say, “For people who make websites” and I say, for people in business in general!).  From her article: No One Nos: Learning to Say No to Bad Ideas.  Part of her article was take-aways from the book The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes
by William Ury.  I particularly like this one:

The shorter it is, the stronger it is. Pascal famously said, “I wrote you a long letter because I didn’t have time to make it shorter.” The longer the argument, the sloppier and less well-thought out it appears.

My son had a science teacher in high school who once told me, “Tommy conveys more information in fewer words than any other student I’ve had.”  That’s a great life skill. (Perhaps not so useful when the assignment is for 5 pages and the topic’s been covered—fully—in 2… nevertheless…)

When a person is talking, and trying to say “no,” they are often looking at the other person’s body language and interpreting it, judging it. So they use more words to soften the perceived blow of the “no.”

But maybe the receiver of the “no” is just thinking, “Whew, I didn’t want that anyway.”  or “Thanks for seeing that what I said I wanted isn’t what I really wanted.”   When you judge the reply before you get it, you may cut off the outcome you actually want.

And the argument gets muddy and frustrating for both parties.

You don’t have to answer every request as it’s made. Even in direct conversation you can say, “Wait a minute, I’m thinking about that.”

The request could be totally bats. But if it’s made by your boss or a client or a prospective client,  consider the tone of your reply.  There is a fine line between blunt, and maybe rude, and wishy-washy mamby-pamby whatever-you-want-dear kind of reply.

So here’s the advice:

1.  Decide what you want at the end of the conversation. Do you:

• want the job, but you don’t want to be micromanaged?
• just plain don’t want to work with that person?  or
• The job really is too bats to be considered.

If you want the job but not on those conditions, keep the former in the front of your mind. Don’t worry about details that don’t effect that result.

Say the job is “Fly off this roof to the ground.” Don’t just say, “That won’t work.” Even when you know it won’t.

How about, “That won’t work because people have no wings. “  Or skip the that-won’t-work part and go directly the thing that WILL work. “I’ll meet you out front.”  Then take the stairs.

2.  Plan a way for the other person to save face. Give them some way out of the end of the converstation. Pass back a request for clarification or a negotiation over the project. “What do you want to get out of my flying off the roof?”

3.  No matter what, be polite.  You don’t know when you might need that person again. AND you don’t know who that person knows!

4.  Keep your eye on the prize, so to speak. Decide what you want to be the outcome. Then steer the conversation that way.  It’s not manipulative in a bad way. If the other person really doesn’t agree with you, they’ll let you  know.

And maybe, if you can’t get the negotiation to the result you want, you’re better off not working with that person anyway.

Filed under Business, Deciding: Why is it so hard?
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I love Guy Kawasaki.  I heard him speak at an ICF conference years ago.  The talk was amazing, based on his book, The Art of the Start: The Time-Tested, Battle-Hardened Guide for Anyone Starting Anything. He said some really useful stuff, like:

• 32 point type on PowerPoint slides, and make there be fewer slides in any presentation (AMEN, brother!)
• But MY favorite?  How to make my Tivo jump forward in 30 second blocks instead of the factory installed 10!

I follow him on Twitter. I’m not a fanatic user, you understand. But when I’m sitting with nothing to do, I can count on Guy Kawaski’s tweets to be interesting, useful, or funny.  AND there are plenty of them.  If, as he says, the purpose in his tweets is to drive people to his website, Alltop.com, well, it works with me. And that, for those of us who understand that no one cares what we just watched on TV, is the purpose of it all, isn’t it? Check out the interview with him in Fast Company, called “Guy Kawasaki on Twitter Brawls, Authenticity, and How He Plans to Win The Influence Project.”

Here’s part of what made me think:

Look at my Twitter stream, it is almost all links, and I tweet out every tweet four times, eight hours apart. So I quadruple my links.

I’m like CNN. Some people read my tweets at 8am, some at 5pm. They’re not going to go back eight hours and look at what I tweeted. All my effort is about finding interesting links. I have a very interesting feed. Some of it is useful, some of it is educational, some of it is inspirational and some of it is downright funny. That’s the value of following me.

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OK.. This is cool. Heard about it just last week from a college student I know.

Bacon-cooking alarm clock by Matty Sallin.  Read the post at Make: Online where they have all sorts of cool stuff you probably never thought of.. but now that somebody has… you want to make one, too, doncha?

If you do make one, drop me a note, let me know how it works.

MMM Bacon!

Image from Make: Online

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I have learned that if you that if you take your own bags to the grocery store, even if you only pack their bags into them when you get to your car, it takes A LOT fewer trips to get all that crap (er, food) into the house.

AND the worst part about grocery shopping, in my opinion, is carrying that stuff up the steps into the house.

Because by that time, you have already touched the stuff FOUR times:

• once from the shelf to the cart,
• once from the cart to the belt,
• once from the belt to the cart again and
• once from the cart to the car.

Yes, you still DO have to touch it to get it out of the bags and away.  But I figure, just ONE fewer time, especially THAT one time,  is at least a 20% saving in energy.

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Ian King posted on his FaceBook page this morning this quote by Thomas Jefferson:

Delay is preferable to error.

Ian says it’s like being able to “press the ‘pause button.’” And that makes for a much “different life.”

His friend, Nancy Robinson, worried, in her comment to Ian, that delay might let her forget entirely.

But see, I read the quote differently. I thought it said “Delay is preferable to terror.”

That’s a whole different kettle of fish! Seemed a bit out of character for ole TJ. But hey, he lived in harrowing times.

So when I put these thoughts together, well, my mind goes a couple of ways.

If it’s terror

Sometimes the decisions I think I must make immediately really only seem that way because of some worry or anxiety I’ve got over the outcome.

A choice to delay an action removes, for me, a measure of anxiety and gives me space to consider options and possible out comes.

If it’s error

A choice to delay allows a situation to unfold a bit more and that may present different opportunities.

Now, sometimes, that delay could eliminate certain choices. But sometimes, too, fewer choices makes the decision easier.

How do I make the choice to delay?

I like to pay attention, as best I can, to the Morita notion “to do what must be done now.”

I can handle now.

• Is the error inevitable?
• Is it necessary to make the terrible decision now?
• Will babies die if I do or don’t do this thing? (That would sure put a different kind of pressure on the terror.)

Must the decision be made NOW?
If not now, then the decision to delay is exactly the right one to make.

Read more about Shoma Morita here

Filed under Deciding: Why is it so hard?
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